Do everything you can to understand the Twin Mystique. Authors and
experts come at it from different angles. Parents and Grandparents
and others in the Twinsphere (tm) need to be aware of the idea. It
will help the twins in the long run.

Joan Friedman, Ph.D., in her book Emotionally Healthy Twins,
mentions how twins are romanticized in our culture. "Most people
think of twins as intensely close soul mates connected to each
other through a kind of sibling ESP....Twins are seen as inhabiting
their own private world for which only they hold the map....It is
assumed that each feels lost without the other and that they seek
to preserve their twosome status even as adults."
 
These assumptions contribute to what she terms the "twin mystique".
"There is something inherently captivating about the idea of having
a double because it invokes the human longing for an intimate,
lifetime companion who thoroughly understands us."
 
The premise of the book, and the subject of this tip today, is that
twins will certainly live out some of these inter-dependencies but
if they are expected to fulfill these fantasies they may be
deprived of developing on their own. The media, with the likes of
the Olsen Twins and Doublemint Gum, certainly contributes to the
situation.
 
The author's approach is not as radical as some might suggest.
Actually it feels more like common sense to me. She advocates
things like alone time, separate classes when it makes sense and
expecting to have different thoughts and feelings about each twin.
She also mentions not comparing their development and encouraging
the twins to develop their own friendships and interests. These
seem like sensible parenting strategies. Strategies that need to be
more accentuated when twins are involved.
 
As parents and Twinsphere members we just need to understand the
phenomenon and do our best to adjust our upbringing enough to
counteract the powerful forces of the media and culture. The result
will be well-adjusted individuals who have self-confidence, a sense
of uniqueness and a desire to grow on their own while enjoying the
unique bond that came with their birth.
 
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